#BlackLivesMatter

Let me get a few things off of my chest.

I am silent... I am silent because there are no words that genuinely or appropriately express the way I feel after hearing the grand jury verdict of the Mike Brown case.  The officer, officer Wilson, was not indicted for ANY (not one) charges against him.  That is some utter bulls*** and I am pissed off.

My heart is heavy;

Eyes! Which one is your favorite?

It's been a while since I've written a post (as per usual; oh the life of a busy grad student), but today I finally got around to and was inspired to share with you some of my recent personal projects revolving around photography, fashion, inner and outer beauty, and my spiritual faith in God.

Today, I would like to share a few collages I made of me developing my photography skills, experimenting with light make up, and manifesting the light in my life from within me. I had a fun time practicing, and as I grow as a photographer, I hope to showcase the beauty of the people around me.   Here it goes for Eyes!

Slipping Away

I realize that I am beginning to slip away.  Now or never is the time for that to happen.  I started off the semester with fasting and taking a much needed break from social media to focus more on fostering my relationship with God.  I backslided a little bit during that week, but I finished the fast and felt restored after it was over.  Now it has been nearly a month since then, and a few other doors in my life have been opened, I feel like I have been slipping away from God's reach and giving into temptation of myself.  It's getting a little out of hand for me and I honestly seek deliverance from the Lord.

Preparation: It's Coming...

Happy New Year Everyone!

I've been away for a while, but it's for a worthy cause.  My second semester of grad school started off on a good foot last Tuesday.  Prior to that, I spent nearly an entire month relaxing with family and friends at home in Maryland.  What a great break it was!  It was exactly what I needed to rejuvenate myself after getting knocked down to the ground so hard in what I would call my first semester of graduate school.  I worked hard and didn't settle with defeat.  In the end, my vacay was well deserved.

Symptoms

Symptoms

1. Having trouble sleeping sleeping at night
2. Staying up really late (usually don't fall asleep until between 2:30-3am)
3. My body is very tense, especially in my shoulders/upper back
4. Occasional mood swings
5. Not eating at regular intervals
6. Exhibiting reclusive behaviors; highly introverted
7. Very picky about my choice of company

 There are things I want to do [and experience] with others, but I often feel void at times or alone or without people who I'd consider close to me in this new environment.  At times, I am overly anxious to the point that I just don't end up doing what I originally set out to do or what I said I would do.  My actions are somewhat that of someone with a settling mentality.  I honestly don't know why all of a sudden this persona decides to come to life.  I recognize that quiet time is very important, but having too much of it may be a slight problem for me.  The phases come and go where I'd like to be around people or not (please refer to symptom #7). 

Changes In Due Season

I have decided to revamp my site to reflect some of the changes in my life, my perspective, and my overall growth.  I'm going with the 'less is more' theme.  There are too many things in my life that serve as a distraction to what I am really here for.  Now is the time that I changes my environment and my habits so that I do not lose focus on the end goal.

There is a purpose for everything that happens in life.  Now that I am a graduate student still transitioning into full adulthood, all of the things that I used to focus on in the past no longer concern me as much as they do now.  My priorities have changed and now that I have seen a little bit more of the world, I have started to hone in on the things in my life, besides the academic grind in the field of engineering and graduate school, the drive me to keep pressing forward.  These things include my faith in God, my family and friends, photography of people and nature, and self-expression through fashion, art, and dance.  My potential to do great things and make a difference, a large positive impact on someone, is what continues to add fuel to the fire.

This point that I am at in my journey is by no means an easy one.  The struggle of graduate school is real yal!  I ask myself everyday what did I get myself into.    I had some idea coming into graduate life of what to expect, but think I missed out on a quite a few crucial expectations in your first year and beyond, but it's okay.  In my perplexity, I turn to God for answers, share my thoughts with family, and empathize with friends.  I may not know or understand my calling, but I know that discovery is a never-ending process, and in time I will know the answers.

Until then, stay tuned for more photography and updates, pray for my well-being (mentally, physically, and emotionally), and spread peace, love, and happiness.

- Maleshia J.

Flashback

A UFC commercial just came on before I started watching a YouTube video and I had a flashback to the nights when my maternal grandma and I used to watch wrestling matches before bed summer nights.  I'm talking about real wrestling matches, not this fake, WWE, stuff out here (no offense to all the WWE fans). She loved wrestling!

I miss my grandma Rosa.  She was the toughest and strongest woman you could ever meet, and I learned so much about being a woman, taking care of your home, life, and being a faithful and servant woman of God from just being in her presence.

Destined to Think

I'm on this spiritual journey to figure out what I need to do, where I need to be, and how I'm going to get there.  I ask God to grace me with the spirit of patience so that when the time comes for me fulfill my destiny, I won't be alarmed, surprised, or disobedient.  I am destined to be a scientist (or at least that's what I think).  Nights upon nights, I dream of solutions to problems in my sleep.

 I create scenarios in which I have to speak to people in a formal manner.  I think about how I'm going to approach someone or get something done.  I dream about how I can solve that math problem that was just bothering me so much the night before.  I organize things in my dreams, like the real Maleshia J. would do.

Do ordinary people think of science, even while they're sleeping?  I'd say most don't, but I could be wrong.  I'm going to take that as a sign that I'm supposed to remain in the STEM fields, PhD or not.  I love this stuff, but my passion is not focused or defined at this point.  There's still more time for me to get things figured out. [Yes, I know that last sentence was very passive.  That's because God's going to handle it and guide me.]

I love people watching, photography, looking at art and designs, building structures.  Architectural engineering sounds fun.  I've determined within the last few weeks that I want to be somewhere that fuses beauty/art with design to create things are can be used and are aesthetically pleasing to the eye.  I think that's what I want to do. If I pursue a PhD, it has to be something that is engineering-related but has a touch of art/design (not completely mechanical design).

Wow! I feel a lot better.  Just jotting this down will help me keep my word and uphold my faith.  One thing I have no doubt about is that I am destined to think.