The First Week

First week into the new year - twenty-sixteen - and i've had so much to think about.  I have less than 4 months to complete my thesis, take one final course, find a full-time job, and keep my sanity intact...

Whew! What a way to start this entry.  First week into 2016, and I've experienced a range of emotions.  Feeling refreshed, inspired, motivated, determined, like a hopeless romantic not trying to let their guards down or get too excited about possibilities...

I've turned to my spirituality and have began pursuing a true inner peace with meditation and yoga.  It definitely has not been easy.  Day one wasn't so bad. I felt rejuvenated. Day two... Day three... Day four has passed and I'm back at square one.

Can someone cue in some Adele? Drake ("Nothing Was The Same" album)? Coldplay? I'm feeling some type of way.  I know everything that has to be done. I know the long journey that awaits me. I know I can do it. But when self is in the way, how do you start and keep going? Especially when you just want to share things with someone special, but someone special doesn't quite exist yet. When that reality hits me, I experience a mixture of anger, frustration, sadness, possibly even self-pity (rarely though).

I love love. I love to love on and care for others. But I have the hardest time letting others love on me. It's not that I don't want it. I've just become so guarded, semi- cold-hearted, and afraid to fully let someone in.  I have some things in my past that I am not so proud of.  Some things I would only keep to myself until the time is right to be disclosed to the right person.

What am I even trying to say in this cryptic message? Beats me. I have no more to say.