Don't get me wrong. I love sharing my photographs with my friends and family via Facebook or Flickr, but with this particular album something keeps me from just exploiting all of my pictures. I guess it's because they have a lot of sentimental value to me. I actually almost lost these photos because I accidentally erased them from my card, but I was able to recover them in almost perfect shape. I don't want them to be just something you look at and say "that's a great pic." I want you to see what I saw and feel what I felt when I captured the moment.
This few years ago, I lost my maternal grandmother to breast cancer. I did not attend my grandmother's funeral because I guess my older relatives wanted to protect me and some of my other younger cousins from experiencing the reality of the situation. At the time I was maybe 11, and I understood that my grandmother was sick, but I did not get to see how others responded to her sickness. I just stayed strong for my grandmother, as she was a very strong woman. She, without a doubt, held our family together, you would never know she was in pain because she always made sure that we were okay. I remember way back when I would spend my summer vacations with my grandma. I would go to doctor trips with her and we would always make frequent stops to the Super Walmart in the South Park Mall (in Virginia) for groceries. WalMart was, and still is, the place to be. My grandmother loved to cooked. I would watch her and try to learn just how she put that magic touch in all her dishes. She never let a child go hungry. If you wanted seconds or thirds, she would never give you that look of shame or judge you because you were simply hungry. I don't think she supported obesity; she merely did not want to deprive anyone, young or old, of something that is necessary for life. I remember picking cherries from the cherry tree behind her trailer. I remember sweeping the front porch and steps, and then eating watermelon on the front porch. I remember going outside to pick my own switch for my grandma because me and my cousins weren't being good or sitting still. Of course, I picked the thin and long switch = bad idea. I remember first learning how to ride a bicycle in her front yard. I remember riding my bike beyond where she told me I could go multiple times. I remember taking little trips up to the quick-mart to get little snacks like sunflower seeds or Snickers ice cream bars. I remember watching wresting at night followed by nick at night with my grandma. She loved her some classic wresting. She was a ride or die grandma, that's for sure. I remember just spending quality time with my grandma in the good old country on a nice summer day.I had so many memories with my grandma. She was truly great and I miss her.
A few years later I lost my maternal grandfather to another form of cancer. His funeral was the first funeral that I had ever been too. It made me think about what it would have been like if I had gone to my grandma's funeral. Honestly, I can't even imagine the outcome.
In July of 2010, I also lost my little brother of 19 (he's a few months younger than me) to gun violence. I was away at a summer internship at Rutgers University and it was the night of independence day when I heard the news. This happening was so tragic and unexpected. I had just met my half brother for the first time about 6-7 years ago. He was practically my twin. We had the same last name, just different mothers. Funny thing was he looked like the boy version of me, and I looked like the girl version of him. I hadn't talked to him in a while, but I wish I had gotten in contact with him more. He had a rough life growing up, but he was working to make change - he was so close to graduating from high school, getting a barbers license. He was doing big things with his creativity and talent. He was a good person and never did anything to hurt anyone.
I left my internship to meet up with my family and attend his funeral. This was the first time that I was really really scared to meet up with him again or even see my family because I knew that they were hurting just as much as I was. I made this trip using Amtrak all alone and took some reflective pictures.
After the funeral, I took many pictures of my family because they are very dear to me and moments with them should be cherished. I was able to see my father and my paternal grandmother, as she is the last grandparent living. It's sad that a death in a family is the only way to bring family back together.
Before heading back home to MD, my family decided to visit my grandmothers grave site. It was definitely an experience. I did not see her buried, but I felt calm being in the site when my elders were buried. My older sister said she saw something float across my grandmothers grave. I didn't see anything but I managed to capture the moment. My mother said that was my grandmother saying that everything is going to be okay. She was right. It was.
Rest in peace Grandma and Dontay...
