The Typical "End of the Year" Reflective Blog Post

<Insert disclaimer about how it's been a while since the last time I've posted or how school has been very difficult or how I would like to post more often in the new year... all of this is true, but when life has the reigns, I get pulled in so many other directions.  But any who, let the post commence>

2015 has been a very eyeopening year for me. A very challenging one I must say.  Not because of the people that I've encountered/interacted with, but because of the extended period of transition(ing) into full adulthood and the experiences that come along with it.  School has been tough and this year I had to make one of the most difficult decisions ever for myself, but at the end of the day I'm much happier because of it.  Instead of focusing on the negatives of this year, I'd rather highlight the positives and how much I've been blessed as inspiration to keep going harder and staying motivated in 2016.  There have been many positive things that have come out of this year.

Let's begin...

At the beginning of 2015,

Check In

It's been a long time! I'm in my third year of graduate school, and it will be my last! Glory be to God!

Since my last post (which was ages ago), many things have been revealed to me and I've made decisions that will make my quality of life a little bit better and ultimately remove some of the burdens that I inadvertently have placed on myself during my two years at Virginia Tech.  As I'm in the prime of my adulthood, I realize my priorities and have evaluated what I really want out of life at this time.

I am a lifetime learner, but at this time in my life, I've declared that I will earn my Master of Science in Mechanical Engineering in May of 2016, I want to gain some industry experience in my field, and I want to be close to my family in MD.  Most importantly, I want to build my professional skill sets, save up some money, travel a little bit, and be close to those who matter most to me.  Life is short, and I do not want to spend forever in school. I am a do-er naturally; a hands-on experimentalist, a creative soul, a socialist.

It has not been an easy journey forward, and there's still so much hard work and late nights ahead, but I know and have faith that I will make it.  I have many reasons to smile and be happy. I am so blessed and privileged. I couldn't have made it this far without God, support from family and friends, and encouragement from my mentors and advisors.

So, what have I been up to?

• School, school, school... and more school (working on my MS thesis)
• Working on establishing and branding myself as a freelance photographer locally with my social media platforms
• Building my photography portfolio
• Practicing using makeup and improving on my beauty skills
• I moved into a 1-bedroom apartment over the summer (Best move ever!); I love being in my own space and arranging it how I want
• Enjoying and living in my singleness (I can focus more on loving myself, being a servant of God, working on myself, and growing in faith)
• Traveling home every now and then

Here are a few pictures from the past few months including my little sister's graduation from high school, my cousin's wedding, me practicing makeup, and a group picture from a recent social at school etc.

Monday: The Pressure

Monday...

It’s very easy for doubt to creep in when things aren’t looking up in your immediate future. I’m just not feeling it right now. It has me feeling like maybe this just isn’t for me right now. It will all be over soon, soon enough, but will I be ready. Sometimes, I have to look off into the distance just to keep myself from crying/shedding a tear. I know I’m not alone in this, I’m highly favored, but I can’t help but feel these emotions as I go through the motions of trying to figure out how to make it through. This is a very stressful time for me. My own self-imposed pressures are what is weighing me down at the moment. I do not feel confident, no matter how much I tell myself. It just doesn’t stop. It’s only Monday…

I will get through this. I should definitely take a double-take, maybe even triple-take at one of my favorite scriptures Philippians 4:13 which simply says:

"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."

He strengthens my mind, body, and soul. Thank you Lord. I believe it and I will not give up. I will try my best. It’s just that getting to that end point and visualizing myself at the end of the road has proven very difficult for me.  My qualifying exam is scheduled for this weekend.

My current obstacles/challenges/struggles:

• PhD Qualifying exam
• Lack of focused state of mind and proper study environment(s) or study zones
• Feelings of inadequacy and unconfidence
• Mentally exhausted
• Unsure about what I want to research or am 100% passionate about
• Life at home

It’s a lot, but I’m hoping that God will help me cross out every item on this list in due time. This post was not meant to be sad, pessimistic, or depressing - I just had to get it out. If I could ask one thing, it would be for prayers for strength, endurance, courage, the spirit of boldness, and restored confidence in my abilities.

Side Note: Jhene Aiko's latest album "Souled Out" has been the business for me this past week.

Until next time,

Maleshia J.

Spring Break 2014: A Momentary Reflection

You ever have one of those moments where you just want to curl up into a ball while sitting in the darkest corner just to shut out the rest of the world? That's exactly where I'd want to be right now.  I am feeling some kind of way and my mood has been utterly shot.  I'm very grateful for the time I was actually able to come home.  Most of my grad school friends were stuck on campus because either they were stuck working in lab, home is just to far away, or they simply had nowhere to go for spring break.  I'm fortunate to have found a way back my home sweet home.

Preparation: It's Coming...

Happy New Year Everyone!

I've been away for a while, but it's for a worthy cause.  My second semester of grad school started off on a good foot last Tuesday.  Prior to that, I spent nearly an entire month relaxing with family and friends at home in Maryland.  What a great break it was!  It was exactly what I needed to rejuvenate myself after getting knocked down to the ground so hard in what I would call my first semester of graduate school.  I worked hard and didn't settle with defeat.  In the end, my vacay was well deserved.

Hair Happiness

Whew! With school being so stressful and being so busy, I have had such little time to honestly devote to taming my quickly growing, natural curly fro this semester.  Laziness always sets in its full form and I started to get fed up with my breakage and just doing the same hair styles time and time again.  I was tired and wanted some change.  Come Thanksgiving, It was most definitely time for a change. I needed a nice, I mean 'nice' trim.

Symptoms

Symptoms

1. Having trouble sleeping sleeping at night
2. Staying up really late (usually don't fall asleep until between 2:30-3am)
3. My body is very tense, especially in my shoulders/upper back
4. Occasional mood swings
5. Not eating at regular intervals
6. Exhibiting reclusive behaviors; highly introverted
7. Very picky about my choice of company

 There are things I want to do [and experience] with others, but I often feel void at times or alone or without people who I'd consider close to me in this new environment.  At times, I am overly anxious to the point that I just don't end up doing what I originally set out to do or what I said I would do.  My actions are somewhat that of someone with a settling mentality.  I honestly don't know why all of a sudden this persona decides to come to life.  I recognize that quiet time is very important, but having too much of it may be a slight problem for me.  The phases come and go where I'd like to be around people or not (please refer to symptom #7). 

What's Been Cooking Lately?

Homemade Chicken Tikka Masala with White Rice

With the right ingredients, and the right spices, you too can enjoy your own take of a traditional Indian cuisine. Any time I eat at an India restaurant, my favorite dish to try is the chicken tikka masala - it's something you can never go wrong with. My take on this dish involves using tomato pasta sauce with cheese (this creates that creamy and cheesy taste mixed with the tomato paste), curry powder, masala, onion powder, garlic salt, black pepper, cayenne pepper (a little spice is always nice), diced chicken breast. I believe that's mostly what I used to create that signature flavor. Different recipes call for additional spices, but I was content with the flavor I was able to accomplish.

More Pics...

Changes In Due Season

I have decided to revamp my site to reflect some of the changes in my life, my perspective, and my overall growth.  I'm going with the 'less is more' theme.  There are too many things in my life that serve as a distraction to what I am really here for.  Now is the time that I changes my environment and my habits so that I do not lose focus on the end goal.

There is a purpose for everything that happens in life.  Now that I am a graduate student still transitioning into full adulthood, all of the things that I used to focus on in the past no longer concern me as much as they do now.  My priorities have changed and now that I have seen a little bit more of the world, I have started to hone in on the things in my life, besides the academic grind in the field of engineering and graduate school, the drive me to keep pressing forward.  These things include my faith in God, my family and friends, photography of people and nature, and self-expression through fashion, art, and dance.  My potential to do great things and make a difference, a large positive impact on someone, is what continues to add fuel to the fire.

This point that I am at in my journey is by no means an easy one.  The struggle of graduate school is real yal!  I ask myself everyday what did I get myself into.    I had some idea coming into graduate life of what to expect, but think I missed out on a quite a few crucial expectations in your first year and beyond, but it's okay.  In my perplexity, I turn to God for answers, share my thoughts with family, and empathize with friends.  I may not know or understand my calling, but I know that discovery is a never-ending process, and in time I will know the answers.

Until then, stay tuned for more photography and updates, pray for my well-being (mentally, physically, and emotionally), and spread peace, love, and happiness.

- Maleshia J.

The Big Move: From MD to VA

As many of you may know, I am attending Virginia Tech to pursue a PhD in Mechanical Engineering.  Over the five (5) months, I had been finalizing things for the big move to Blacksburg, VA.  When the time finally arrived, I packed my bags into a rental car (since I didn't have a car of my own for now), rode with my older sister and brother-in-law, snapped some pictures along the way, and made my way down to VT Land.  Upon my arrival this past Sunday, August 11th, I met my new roommate, who is very friendly, personable, and down to earth.  She even showed me and told me about some great local spots, like the Y Thrift Shop (YMCA Center).  The Thrift Shop (pictures soon)!!! You already know.

Decisions: I Finally Made Up My Mind!!!

Making a decision on where I want to be and where I am supposed to be for the next 5 to 6 years is a big deal and is not an easy decision for me to make. As many of you all know, I am a recent graduate from UMBC and I applied for PhD programs for the fall of 2013. Entering the graduate school realm at a place far away from home (out-of-state) is very scary. I'd basically be starting fresh completely on my own. I know in my heart I'll be fine though. Many people have done it before me, right, and they made it out alright?

Here's the story. Mid-February acceptance letters and rejection letters started rolling around and decision time began getting shorter and shorter by the second. It seemed like forever before I started hearing back from the schools that I really was considering attending. Fast forward to mid-March, a few rejection letters later (from schools I thought I'd get into), and I finally narrowed my options down to 2 schools: Virginia Tech and the University of Pittsburgh.

Both are really amazing schools, but two major factors are costs and environment (distance from included). After many hours of comparing schools, chatting with family and friends, praying, and fasting, I went back and forth on where I wanted to go. In reality, I was asking myself the wrong questions and not thinking in the right frame of mind. What I should have been asking myself is where does God want me to go or where am I supposed to be. Today, after talking to my academic advisor, who is also a man of God, I got my answer. It was like the icing on the cake.

By the grace of God, I am elated to share that I have finally made a decision. Now I can smile without worrying what the future beholds. Wherever I go I know I will be taken care of and I will make the most of my experience. With the power vested in me, I now pronounce myself as a Hokie!!! I will be attending Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University otherwise know as Virginia Tech!!!

Let me soak that in. Whew, that was long overdue, but I had to wait on God to tell me where I was supposed to go. My patience has really been tested these past few months. Now I can move forward and proceed with filling out paperwork, applying for assistantships, and fellowships, and simply doing my part and letting God handle the rest. God is good all the time!

And with that, I can say that my decision making wasn't so bad after all.  It was all worth it in the long run.

Attain Success Without Them & Prove Them Wrong

This is my first and by far the worst rejection letter I've ever gotten. My thing is I'm not even upset that I did not get into the school program itself. What bothers me the most is how the rejection letter is phrased. This particular excerpt rubbed me the wrong way.