2015 has been a very eyeopening year for me. A very challenging one I must say. Not because of the people that I've encountered/interacted with, but because of the extended period of transition(ing) into full adulthood and the experiences that come along with it. School has been tough and this year I had to make one of the most difficult decisions ever for myself, but at the end of the day I'm much happier because of it. Instead of focusing on the negatives of this year, I'd rather highlight the positives and how much I've been blessed as inspiration to keep going harder and staying motivated in 2016. There have been many positive things that have come out of this year.
Let's begin...
At the beginning of 2015,
I was living with a roommate in an apartment with extremely thin walls, quite a distance from my lab, and I had to prepare for my qualifier exam. I love my roommate, but there were some days where I just wanted to be alone in the apartment, all by myself, with the freedom to walk around with little to nothing on, playing my music loudly while singing, and not solely confined to the comfort of my room. I had began to grow weary/antsy because I was stressed from preparing for my PhD qualifier exam (which is another story) and I wanted my own space, but had missed the opportunity to move out at the beginning of our leasing period. So pretty much I had to wait it out until the end of the summer. If I were completely honest with myself, I was not quite ready to move out on my own. I still had some growing to do and I needed to make sure that I could financially afford it.
Long story short, I did not pass my PhD qualifier exam on my 2nd attempt, I had not accomplished as much as I wanted to in the spring semester, and I began to let feelings of doubt and unworthiness settle into my temple. I started to reevaluate what I really wanted out of life and was this degree at this particular school at this particular time in my life really worth fighting for and continuing to pursue. I thought long and hard about things over this summer while moving into a one-bedroom apartment by myself (Finally!!!).
I took a stand for myself and decided it would be best for ME to switch to the master's program for now (and at least walk away from Virginia Tech with an advanced degree in engineering). This means that within a few months I'll be graduating again as a Black woman with her Master of Science in Mechanical Engineering in May of 2016, truly beating the odds; AND I'll be able to finally go home and be closer to my family (especially the little one's trailing behind me). This also means that I can gain some working experience, take some time to affirm where my passions lie, and make and save some money. All of those are great pros to me. I'm ready to take my career to the next level.
Also, on another positive note, I'm tremendously improved upon my photography skills and am receiving a lot of positive recognition for my work from family, friends, coworkers, and lots of people from my department. I've had the opportunity to photograph for my lab, do a few photo sessions of friends, and even been hired as a professional photographer for events. I've truly come along way with my photography brand, Imprints by Maleshia J. and there's still more learning for me to do.
As for my personal life, I realize that I yearn for companionship, to have someone to share my experiences with, to support me and encourage me in a different way that my family or my best girlfriends could do (no offense lol). I'm steadfast in the Lord and trust that God will send that person my way when the time is right, but in the meantime, I have been working on myself and my relationships with others. I have so much love to give and want to share things with others, but sometimes I have given so much that there's nothing left to give to myself. As a result, I feel drained, depleted, and sometimes sad or depressed. Well that escalated quickly...
I mention these things to say that in my struggles of this year, academically, professionally, and personally, I've learned so much about myself, who I am, what I need to thrive, what my weaknesses are, and what I can work on as it pertains to my relationships with others. All of this knowledge will help me in being more proactive about my entire wellbeing in the new year. I want the best for myself. I want to be the best me EVER! I want to look good, feel good, excel in my research, help others along the way, give back, and continue inspiring people. I am a Child of God and He carries me all the way through, and I will never forget that. I have made it through the trying times of this year and have come out a stronger and more firm person.
Who's looking forward to 2016? This one right here!!!
I'm ready to break unhealthy habits and cycles, take care of my body, mind, and soul, love harder, live out my dreams and passions, seek God more, and stay true to myself. Here's what I am looking forward to in 2016:
- The financial security & flexibility that comes with having a full-time job ($$$$)
- Graduating with my M.S. in Mechanical Engineering from Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (You'll be calling me Master Jones soon)
- Getting into yoga, zumba, and other meditative exercise forms full-speed to improve my health, endurance, stamina
- Traveling more to places on the west side of the country (Cali, Seattle, Portland, Grand Canyon, Texas, New Orleans) as well as in the Caribbean
- My freelance photography career taking off full speed in the DMV (I must brace myself)
- Career opportunities
I think that's all for now. It's been good.
Until next time,
Maleshia J.
No comments:
Post a Comment
What are your thoughts?