Check In

It's been a long time! I'm in my third year of graduate school, and it will be my last! Glory be to God!

Since my last post (which was ages ago), many things have been revealed to me and I've made decisions that will make my quality of life a little bit better and ultimately remove some of the burdens that I inadvertently have placed on myself during my two years at Virginia Tech.  As I'm in the prime of my adulthood, I realize my priorities and have evaluated what I really want out of life at this time.

I am a lifetime learner, but at this time in my life, I've declared that I will earn my Master of Science in Mechanical Engineering in May of 2016, I want to gain some industry experience in my field, and I want to be close to my family in MD.  Most importantly, I want to build my professional skill sets, save up some money, travel a little bit, and be close to those who matter most to me.  Life is short, and I do not want to spend forever in school. I am a do-er naturally; a hands-on experimentalist, a creative soul, a socialist.

It has not been an easy journey forward, and there's still so much hard work and late nights ahead, but I know and have faith that I will make it.  I have many reasons to smile and be happy. I am so blessed and privileged. I couldn't have made it this far without God, support from family and friends, and encouragement from my mentors and advisors.

So, what have I been up to?

• School, school, school... and more school (working on my MS thesis)
• Working on establishing and branding myself as a freelance photographer locally with my social media platforms
• Building my photography portfolio
• Practicing using makeup and improving on my beauty skills
• I moved into a 1-bedroom apartment over the summer (Best move ever!); I love being in my own space and arranging it how I want
• Enjoying and living in my singleness (I can focus more on loving myself, being a servant of God, working on myself, and growing in faith)
• Traveling home every now and then

Here are a few pictures from the past few months including my little sister's graduation from high school, my cousin's wedding, me practicing makeup, and a group picture from a recent social at school etc.

#BlackLivesMatter

Let me get a few things off of my chest.

I am silent... I am silent because there are no words that genuinely or appropriately express the way I feel after hearing the grand jury verdict of the Mike Brown case.  The officer, officer Wilson, was not indicted for ANY (not one) charges against him.  That is some utter bulls*** and I am pissed off.

My heart is heavy;

Monday: The Pressure

Monday...

It’s very easy for doubt to creep in when things aren’t looking up in your immediate future. I’m just not feeling it right now. It has me feeling like maybe this just isn’t for me right now. It will all be over soon, soon enough, but will I be ready. Sometimes, I have to look off into the distance just to keep myself from crying/shedding a tear. I know I’m not alone in this, I’m highly favored, but I can’t help but feel these emotions as I go through the motions of trying to figure out how to make it through. This is a very stressful time for me. My own self-imposed pressures are what is weighing me down at the moment. I do not feel confident, no matter how much I tell myself. It just doesn’t stop. It’s only Monday…

I will get through this. I should definitely take a double-take, maybe even triple-take at one of my favorite scriptures Philippians 4:13 which simply says:

"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."

He strengthens my mind, body, and soul. Thank you Lord. I believe it and I will not give up. I will try my best. It’s just that getting to that end point and visualizing myself at the end of the road has proven very difficult for me.  My qualifying exam is scheduled for this weekend.

My current obstacles/challenges/struggles:

• PhD Qualifying exam
• Lack of focused state of mind and proper study environment(s) or study zones
• Feelings of inadequacy and unconfidence
• Mentally exhausted
• Unsure about what I want to research or am 100% passionate about
• Life at home

It’s a lot, but I’m hoping that God will help me cross out every item on this list in due time. This post was not meant to be sad, pessimistic, or depressing - I just had to get it out. If I could ask one thing, it would be for prayers for strength, endurance, courage, the spirit of boldness, and restored confidence in my abilities.

Side Note: Jhene Aiko's latest album "Souled Out" has been the business for me this past week.

Until next time,

Maleshia J.

Hairspiration: I Cut It!

I cut it! ...

Eyes! Which one is your favorite?

It's been a while since I've written a post (as per usual; oh the life of a busy grad student), but today I finally got around to and was inspired to share with you some of my recent personal projects revolving around photography, fashion, inner and outer beauty, and my spiritual faith in God.

Today, I would like to share a few collages I made of me developing my photography skills, experimenting with light make up, and manifesting the light in my life from within me. I had a fun time practicing, and as I grow as a photographer, I hope to showcase the beauty of the people around me.   Here it goes for Eyes!

Slipping Away

I realize that I am beginning to slip away.  Now or never is the time for that to happen.  I started off the semester with fasting and taking a much needed break from social media to focus more on fostering my relationship with God.  I backslided a little bit during that week, but I finished the fast and felt restored after it was over.  Now it has been nearly a month since then, and a few other doors in my life have been opened, I feel like I have been slipping away from God's reach and giving into temptation of myself.  It's getting a little out of hand for me and I honestly seek deliverance from the Lord.

Preparation: It's Coming...

Happy New Year Everyone!

I've been away for a while, but it's for a worthy cause.  My second semester of grad school started off on a good foot last Tuesday.  Prior to that, I spent nearly an entire month relaxing with family and friends at home in Maryland.  What a great break it was!  It was exactly what I needed to rejuvenate myself after getting knocked down to the ground so hard in what I would call my first semester of graduate school.  I worked hard and didn't settle with defeat.  In the end, my vacay was well deserved.

Symptoms

Symptoms

1. Having trouble sleeping sleeping at night
2. Staying up really late (usually don't fall asleep until between 2:30-3am)
3. My body is very tense, especially in my shoulders/upper back
4. Occasional mood swings
5. Not eating at regular intervals
6. Exhibiting reclusive behaviors; highly introverted
7. Very picky about my choice of company

 There are things I want to do [and experience] with others, but I often feel void at times or alone or without people who I'd consider close to me in this new environment.  At times, I am overly anxious to the point that I just don't end up doing what I originally set out to do or what I said I would do.  My actions are somewhat that of someone with a settling mentality.  I honestly don't know why all of a sudden this persona decides to come to life.  I recognize that quiet time is very important, but having too much of it may be a slight problem for me.  The phases come and go where I'd like to be around people or not (please refer to symptom #7). 

Changes In Due Season

I have decided to revamp my site to reflect some of the changes in my life, my perspective, and my overall growth.  I'm going with the 'less is more' theme.  There are too many things in my life that serve as a distraction to what I am really here for.  Now is the time that I changes my environment and my habits so that I do not lose focus on the end goal.

There is a purpose for everything that happens in life.  Now that I am a graduate student still transitioning into full adulthood, all of the things that I used to focus on in the past no longer concern me as much as they do now.  My priorities have changed and now that I have seen a little bit more of the world, I have started to hone in on the things in my life, besides the academic grind in the field of engineering and graduate school, the drive me to keep pressing forward.  These things include my faith in God, my family and friends, photography of people and nature, and self-expression through fashion, art, and dance.  My potential to do great things and make a difference, a large positive impact on someone, is what continues to add fuel to the fire.

This point that I am at in my journey is by no means an easy one.  The struggle of graduate school is real yal!  I ask myself everyday what did I get myself into.    I had some idea coming into graduate life of what to expect, but think I missed out on a quite a few crucial expectations in your first year and beyond, but it's okay.  In my perplexity, I turn to God for answers, share my thoughts with family, and empathize with friends.  I may not know or understand my calling, but I know that discovery is a never-ending process, and in time I will know the answers.

Until then, stay tuned for more photography and updates, pray for my well-being (mentally, physically, and emotionally), and spread peace, love, and happiness.

- Maleshia J.

Flashback

A UFC commercial just came on before I started watching a YouTube video and I had a flashback to the nights when my maternal grandma and I used to watch wrestling matches before bed summer nights.  I'm talking about real wrestling matches, not this fake, WWE, stuff out here (no offense to all the WWE fans). She loved wrestling!

I miss my grandma Rosa.  She was the toughest and strongest woman you could ever meet, and I learned so much about being a woman, taking care of your home, life, and being a faithful and servant woman of God from just being in her presence.

Relationship Experiences

Relationship experiences: I may not have much of it, but what I have experienced so far and what I have observed is enough for me to recognize red flags and not make bad mistakes over and over again.  The motto that I've embraced when it comes to relationships is it's okay to be selfish - look out for myself first.  Trust me, it's much better that way in the end.  You reduce your chances of getting hurt by like 10 times (my attempt at rough statistics lol).

I shall warn ye reader that none of my recounts of past relationships are in chronological order.

Bowie State University 2013 Commencement: Michelle Obama's Inspirational Speech

Today, I had the pleasure of watching my best friend of over 10 years walk across the stage to receive her Bachelors of Science in Theater Arts.  Let me first start by saying that I am so proud of my homegirl, my sister, and the luminous crystal that she has grown to be.  I know God has many great things in store for her in the future.  We're both going to be doing big things.

US News | Syria News | More ABC News Videos

To add to the grand celebration, Bowie State's commencement speaker was none other than the First Lady of the United States of America, now Dr. Michelle Obama!

Decisions: I Finally Made Up My Mind!!!

Making a decision on where I want to be and where I am supposed to be for the next 5 to 6 years is a big deal and is not an easy decision for me to make. As many of you all know, I am a recent graduate from UMBC and I applied for PhD programs for the fall of 2013. Entering the graduate school realm at a place far away from home (out-of-state) is very scary. I'd basically be starting fresh completely on my own. I know in my heart I'll be fine though. Many people have done it before me, right, and they made it out alright?

Here's the story. Mid-February acceptance letters and rejection letters started rolling around and decision time began getting shorter and shorter by the second. It seemed like forever before I started hearing back from the schools that I really was considering attending. Fast forward to mid-March, a few rejection letters later (from schools I thought I'd get into), and I finally narrowed my options down to 2 schools: Virginia Tech and the University of Pittsburgh.

Both are really amazing schools, but two major factors are costs and environment (distance from included). After many hours of comparing schools, chatting with family and friends, praying, and fasting, I went back and forth on where I wanted to go. In reality, I was asking myself the wrong questions and not thinking in the right frame of mind. What I should have been asking myself is where does God want me to go or where am I supposed to be. Today, after talking to my academic advisor, who is also a man of God, I got my answer. It was like the icing on the cake.

By the grace of God, I am elated to share that I have finally made a decision. Now I can smile without worrying what the future beholds. Wherever I go I know I will be taken care of and I will make the most of my experience. With the power vested in me, I now pronounce myself as a Hokie!!! I will be attending Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University otherwise know as Virginia Tech!!!

Let me soak that in. Whew, that was long overdue, but I had to wait on God to tell me where I was supposed to go. My patience has really been tested these past few months. Now I can move forward and proceed with filling out paperwork, applying for assistantships, and fellowships, and simply doing my part and letting God handle the rest. God is good all the time!

And with that, I can say that my decision making wasn't so bad after all.  It was all worth it in the long run.

Reason(s) to Smile

I have so many positive and uplifting things going in my life. God is really doing wonderful works. I won't settle for allowing something or someone to steal my joy and happiness. Always take something negative and turn it into something positive. Even when things aren't looking the best, I know that everything will be alright in the end.

Attain Success Without Them & Prove Them Wrong

This is my first and by far the worst rejection letter I've ever gotten. My thing is I'm not even upset that I did not get into the school program itself. What bothers me the most is how the rejection letter is phrased. This particular excerpt rubbed me the wrong way.