Free Write: Cabin Fever Thoughts (1/23/16)

We've all had these moments...

Sending that late night text message that you almost instantaneously regret pressing send.

Suppressing your feelings and emotions for the sake of not coming across as too "emotional", too "weak", too "clingy", and a bunch of other adjectives equating/amounting to a sign of inferiority or vulnerability.

Feeling so lonesome and single on a weekend night, when all you want to do is just spend some quality time with a special someone cuddling, cooking, listening to music, dancing, and watching movies.

When the realization that bae does not exist, as per previous scenario, you decide to put on your bartender hat and make yourself an alcoholic concoction or indulge is the grocery store's finest selection of cheap wine, hard cider, chocolate, chips, and dip... oh and Talenti!

Hearing your neighbors... #facepalm #everytime #selfexplanatory

Being that neighbor who blasts loud (whimsical, annoying, corny) music to block out the neighbors you're hearing.  I'm that neighbor.  And I wish somebody would try to file a noise complaint... Try me.

Feeling trapped because your cars snowed in, the roads aren't tip top clear, there's a [HUGE] chance you'll end up in a ditch because a) the roads are slick, icy, and not paved, or b) you're a Virginia driver who can't drive worth s*** in the snow, rain, dry & sunny day, or c) both a and c.  (I'm obviously not talking about myself, just to clarify a few things.)

When Pandora, Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Radio, or any other similar music genome platform is subtly speaking to your life and you can't help but sing along, bust out into interpretive dance, grab the tissues, twerk it out, and give the performance of a lifetime (on the scale of 1 to Beyoncé) in your apartment all by yourself.

That's all I've got for now at least.

Facebook Asks me: "What's on your mind?"

"What's on your mind?"

Why, how friendly and courteous is Facebook to ask me what I'm thinking of, how I am doing, and what concerns me.

What is on my mind?

• How no matter where I live, I will never be fully comfortable unless I live in my own damn house. The walls will always be too thin. The neighbors will always be creepy, nosy, loud, or annoying.  If I have another roommate, I'll never be able to just bask in my much needed solitude.
• I can fall asleep pretty much anywhere in my apartment. Sometimes, I'll just pick a spot on the floor, by the front door, next to the fridge, by my bedroom doorway, in front of the tv, etc., and woosah my life away.
• Sometimes I lie in bed, put my headphones on, and think about how nice it'd be to not sleep alone (all the while the neighbors are getting it on... fml).  Something as simple as cuddling.
• How I am remaining patient and trust that God has someone on the way for me. I just gotta keep holding on and staying on the straight path.
• My singleness and what I can do in the meantime to just have fun and enjoy the precious moments of life.
• Hot lit this newly discovered music is (Jeremih and August Alsina mixtapes, JoJo EPs, music by Dawn Richard, etc.).
• How I'm notorious for overthinking a lot of things. I just need to simmer down now.
• I'm a hopeless, yet very guarded, romantic.  I've learned from experiences not to go all in to prevent the fall, heartbreak, and emotional hardship.
• How's this good girl going to attract the most compatible one?

I think that's majority of it for now.

The First Week

First week into the new year - twenty-sixteen - and i've had so much to think about.  I have less than 4 months to complete my thesis, take one final course, find a full-time job, and keep my sanity intact...

Whew! What a way to start this entry.  First week into 2016, and I've experienced a range of emotions.  Feeling refreshed, inspired, motivated, determined, like a hopeless romantic not trying to let their guards down or get too excited about possibilities...

I've turned to my spirituality and have began pursuing a true inner peace with meditation and yoga.  It definitely has not been easy.  Day one wasn't so bad. I felt rejuvenated. Day two... Day three... Day four has passed and I'm back at square one.

Can someone cue in some Adele? Drake ("Nothing Was The Same" album)? Coldplay? I'm feeling some type of way.  I know everything that has to be done. I know the long journey that awaits me. I know I can do it. But when self is in the way, how do you start and keep going? Especially when you just want to share things with someone special, but someone special doesn't quite exist yet. When that reality hits me, I experience a mixture of anger, frustration, sadness, possibly even self-pity (rarely though).

I love love. I love to love on and care for others. But I have the hardest time letting others love on me. It's not that I don't want it. I've just become so guarded, semi- cold-hearted, and afraid to fully let someone in.  I have some things in my past that I am not so proud of.  Some things I would only keep to myself until the time is right to be disclosed to the right person.

What am I even trying to say in this cryptic message? Beats me. I have no more to say.

The Typical "End of the Year" Reflective Blog Post

<Insert disclaimer about how it's been a while since the last time I've posted or how school has been very difficult or how I would like to post more often in the new year... all of this is true, but when life has the reigns, I get pulled in so many other directions.  But any who, let the post commence>

2015 has been a very eyeopening year for me. A very challenging one I must say.  Not because of the people that I've encountered/interacted with, but because of the extended period of transition(ing) into full adulthood and the experiences that come along with it.  School has been tough and this year I had to make one of the most difficult decisions ever for myself, but at the end of the day I'm much happier because of it.  Instead of focusing on the negatives of this year, I'd rather highlight the positives and how much I've been blessed as inspiration to keep going harder and staying motivated in 2016.  There have been many positive things that have come out of this year.

Let's begin...

At the beginning of 2015,

Check In

It's been a long time! I'm in my third year of graduate school, and it will be my last! Glory be to God!

Since my last post (which was ages ago), many things have been revealed to me and I've made decisions that will make my quality of life a little bit better and ultimately remove some of the burdens that I inadvertently have placed on myself during my two years at Virginia Tech.  As I'm in the prime of my adulthood, I realize my priorities and have evaluated what I really want out of life at this time.

I am a lifetime learner, but at this time in my life, I've declared that I will earn my Master of Science in Mechanical Engineering in May of 2016, I want to gain some industry experience in my field, and I want to be close to my family in MD.  Most importantly, I want to build my professional skill sets, save up some money, travel a little bit, and be close to those who matter most to me.  Life is short, and I do not want to spend forever in school. I am a do-er naturally; a hands-on experimentalist, a creative soul, a socialist.

It has not been an easy journey forward, and there's still so much hard work and late nights ahead, but I know and have faith that I will make it.  I have many reasons to smile and be happy. I am so blessed and privileged. I couldn't have made it this far without God, support from family and friends, and encouragement from my mentors and advisors.

So, what have I been up to?

• School, school, school... and more school (working on my MS thesis)
• Working on establishing and branding myself as a freelance photographer locally with my social media platforms
• Building my photography portfolio
• Practicing using makeup and improving on my beauty skills
• I moved into a 1-bedroom apartment over the summer (Best move ever!); I love being in my own space and arranging it how I want
• Enjoying and living in my singleness (I can focus more on loving myself, being a servant of God, working on myself, and growing in faith)
• Traveling home every now and then

Here are a few pictures from the past few months including my little sister's graduation from high school, my cousin's wedding, me practicing makeup, and a group picture from a recent social at school etc.